Observing Resistance: Four Steps to Shift Your Mindset and Embrace Life's Flow

We all experience resistance daily when trying to do something that matters. Whether you want to sit and meditate, work on a new project, or get out and exercise if you are attempting to expand, resistance comes alive. 

The truth is we were born through resistance. Your mother's contractions were perhaps your first resistance pattern, and they were necessary as they moved you toward your first experience of life outside of her belly.

We Have Two Types of Resistance

We have two types of resistance: One asks us to choose life, and another has us resist life. Let's talk about the latter one first. 

Life itself is always in flow. It is moving and taking us with it to one degree or another. What determines that "degree" is the amount that we resist that flow.

Imagine life is the flow of air in the sky that connects everything. It is moving just like the earth's atmosphere, connecting one thing to another, from the desert to the rainforest. Our life functions similarly. It is moving freely making all the necessary connections in your life to get you where you are going; your path , that is, until we resist its flow. We do this through worry, doubt, rejection, etc. These thoughts literally take us out of the game of life. They interrupt the flow. Notice I didn't say it stops the flow.

That is because the flow cannot be stopped, but can be interrupted. Life can feel less fluid and joyful because of the resistance of our thoughts. 

Now some resistance is good, like the resistance of birth. It's like a pulse. We step forward and pull back a little. It's how humans learn. The key is that the direction is always toward life and away from fear.

Strong resistance can lie within a depressive spiral; you don't have to have experienced depression in the past to know resistance; it's a universal daily experience for all of us.

Resistance is actually wired into our brains. We know that the right side of the prefrontal region that lies behind your forehead lights up when you're trying to avoid something. This same region also lights up with negative emotions. So it's in there. The real question is how much are we practicing resistance and leaning into that wiring instead of taking the superhighway of life itself and actually going with "the flow"? 

The key is to practice letting go of resistance until letting go is more of what we do than holding on. We can make this conscious activity by intentionally practicing and repeating, shifting the activity to the left prefrontal region, which is more associated with approaching things in life with resiliency. 

It is true resistance is a strong impulse. It's a deeply ingrained wiring. Perceived comfort is a nice feeling; in contrast, moving forward takes work and courage. There is a reason you didn't just pop out on your mother's first contraction!!

It's all about growth, and growth equals change, and change takes bravery. 

We quite naturally move away from what the brain anticipates to be uncomfortable and stay with what's comfortable. Not only is this hardwired into most of us, but we've practiced it so often that it's the default of the unconscious.

So what can we do about it? Here are a few useful steps that can begin to change both the experience and the wiring. 

1. Notice: Try to become aware of when you are resisting, even if you don't shift it. Begin by making it conscious. The moment you're aware of it, you're mindful and have created a little space between yourself and the resistance.

2. Soften: Resistance is a contraction or a pulling away from life. Once you notice, don't judge it. Remember, it's literally part of our wiring. Just feel it as a sensation; that's all it is really a sensation. By doing this, you have started to change the story of the resistance to a feeling. Feelings are easy to work with. 

3. Open: Once you have felt it open, let the resistance flow through you. Breathe into it, offer it love and kindness, just keep creating space around it till the energy you have offered it is bigger than the contraction that it is. 

4. Flow: Let the energy begin to flow toward life. It doesn't need to be a deep dive. Just begin to feel the current of life flowing through you. Now you are heading in the right direction. Instead of fear, you may notice that you start to feel excitement. 

This is your process, your life, and your lessons. Learn them at your own pace. It might have taken you 1 hour or forty-eight to be born, but you got there didn’t you. It's all part of the process.

Just keep pointing yourself in the right direction -- the direction of life and the super highway will lead the way.