Unconditional Joy: Embracing the Magnificence of What You Have Right Now

I have a question for you. Do you want unconditional joy?

I can hear you now: "Of course I do! Bring it on!!" Okay, then, but let me pose a scenario for you…

What if you might not get the love of your life, or your dream job, or that little baby you've wanted forever?

What if you had to be happy with what you have today?

Now, do you still want unconditional joy?

Unconditional joy is just that; joy that's not dependent on conditions. It's a concept beautifully described by Pema Chodron, a Buddhist monk and author, who distinguishes between two kinds of happiness: relative happiness and absolute happiness.

Relative happiness is the kind of happiness that's dependent on circumstances. It's about feeling good when things are going your way and feeling bad when they aren't. It's the happiness that fluctuates with the ups and downs of life.

On the other hand, absolute happiness is entirely unrelated to conditions. It's the ability to maintain a state of happiness no matter what's happening around you. It's not dependent on the world around you; it's an internal state of being that no one—other than you—can take away.

Unconditional joy is essentially synonymous with absolute happiness. In our culture, we've been conditioned to believe that joy and happiness are the same things and that they're both something to strive for, typically based on achieving specific goals or desires.

This perspective, however, puts our baseline emotional state in the hands of the ever-changing world around us. It also makes us less appreciative of the present, as we're constantly looking ahead to the next thing. So, we set ourselves up to literally "NEVER" be truly happy, let alone joyful.

Listen, I can write about this all da—and I do—but that doesn’t make it easy. I want things just like everyone else. But one day I decided to do exactly what I have read so many times over the years. I would no longer let joy hang in the balance of a desire or expectation.

This how it all changed for me.

When I was 50 I had my first child. Yes, I know very old. I bargained with God inside out that if I could just have this baby I would be happy forever and never ask for another thing. I prayed, went to church, healers, gypsies and about a million doctors. 

The day I found out I was pregnant I was so happy! But in just a few days it started again. "Please, I just want to have this baby naturally in my home with all my loved ones around me. Can I just have this natural birth? " The anxiety and fear of not getting what I wanted started pouring in.

It was so extreme. I had just gotten the best thing imaginable and I still wanted more. I guess because it was so glaring I made a choice then and there. I said, "NO!" This moment, this pregnancy, and this experience were too precious to be marred by the fear of not having a certain kind of birth.

I continued preparing for a home birth, but when it didn't happen as planned and my birth story was far from perfect, I refused to let it steal my joy. This was our unique story, and I had a beautiful baby boy. What more could I want?

That was until the next desire arose: "If only we had a house for our child to play in, we'd all be so happy." I paused and realized something crucial.  It would never stop. I would never stop bargaining with my joy if I let myself. 

In fact, we were already happy. Our home was filled to the brim with love. And so I refused to trade my joy for the anxiety of wanting a structure. A house would be wonderful, but it wouldn't define my happiness. I knew if I didnt stop I would never feel joy a day in my life. I would never be satisfied if I left it to this constant wanting, if I never looked at the moment and let it bring me to my knees.  Any moment we are truly present for has the ability to bring us to our knees in awe of its magnificence—even the bad ones. Just the fact that we are alive is truly amazing.

Unconditional joy, or absolute happiness, is not about suppressing desires or ambitions.

Unconditional joy is our natural state.  It comes from inside us. It’s all the wanting and greed that gets in its way.

And, unlike conditional joy, unconditional joy is not temporary—it's eternal and it's always available regardless of any circumstance or person. It is who we are, not what we have and it can come alive when we find contentment and joy in the present moment, and appreciate what we have.

When we begin to understand that external conditions don't have to dictate our internal state.  Joy awakens when we take an honest moment and look around at how amazing life is right now. Today I’m sitting on an old couch, with the sun in my face in my tiny special room writing this. Wow, it would be great if someone read this and really liked it. It would be super cool if hundreds of people read it. But if you don't, that's okay too. I felt so much joy writing it.