The Shadow Self
My first shadow work teacher -well my second, if you include Carl Jung- was the late Debbie Ford who once said:
“Instead of trying to suppress our shadows, try to unconceal, own and embrace the very things we are most afraid of facing. The shadow holds the secret of change. Change that can affect you on a cellular level, change that can affect your very DNA. [...] Be willing to find out that you are what you least want to be.”
I know this to be the truth. I have spent many years retracing, facing, replacing and embracing these emotional changes in my life. This work started with Debbie, then quickly became my passion because of the power it held. I came to see each of my shadows as parts of me; personality traits that wanted to come back home often parts that I rejected in myself, and even sometimes in others because the feelings were too powerful to deal with. I deflected and projected, but instead of going away, they became stronger. They grew from mere shadows into monsters until I finally faced them.
For this very reason, I believe that shadow work is some of the most important work a conscious mind can give themselves and the world. It bestows on you the clarity to stop reacting to things based on past wounds and show up as a fully grown and realized human being.
HOW THE SHADOW DEVELOPS
Many forces play a role in forming your shadow selves: parents, siblings, teachers, culture, society, religious teachings, and friends, are some of the main ones. But how do all of these voices get ingested into our psyche and then brought back out into the world?
Here is an example James Hillman shared in a talk on “The Shadow”:
When little Maria’s mother entered the hospital before the birth of her twins, Maria was suddenly left alone with a new nanny during the day and put to bed by her distant father. When her overwhelmed mother and the newborn twins came home two months later, the toddler was not-so-subtly encouraged to “be independent” and a good big sister. Likewise, anger that erupted was quickly reprimanded.
Maria, afraid that her parents would leave or stop loving her, afraid of losing her connection to her parents, learned not to rock the boat. Therefore, she learned to take care of herself. As a result, she became a pleaser and kept her needs and feelings to herself.
Many people can relate to Maria. Can you recall something similar in your own life? A time when you essentially understood that being you was not okay and so you quickly adopted a behavior, or way of being good and acceptable, that you felt might be more suitable?
We all start whole, then we fragment that wholeness to suit the world. A world that is also quite fragmented itself.
HOW TO RECOGNIZE YOUR SHADOWS
How can you identify your shadows? Triggers are a good way to recognize your shadow. Take a look at how you judge or project on to others. If you hear yourself say, “I am very generous” or “I never cancel plans”, or “I hate when people are late”, these things that trigger you or are most aware of in others reflect your shadows. Either it is something you wish you could do and are overcompensating for, or you actually do it and are in some type of denial.
Irrational behavior is another way to see your shadow selves. When your response is overblown, you can bet this is a trigger to your shadow. The key to understanding this kind of trigger is to retrace it, then face it, replace it and finally embrace these parts of yourself on your journey back to wholeness.
WHO DOES NOT HAVE A SHADOW?
Babies! We are all born whole. So the act of shadow work is really an exercise in remembering, remembering how you entered this world. Your shadows are how you conform to the world around you. The way you choose to conform is different in everyone.
Under some type of duress one person might retreat and another might act out. That is the part that is you. Then there is the stimulus of the outside world. You are always conforming to the world around you. You shrink from your true nature to match the nature of others who have done the same.
THE BENEFITS OF SHADOW WORK
In my opinion, the benefits of shadow work are endless. It is a road to peace and to owning who you really are. Not just owning, but by choosing it for the gift it really is to you and to the world. Remember when you move through the world with this costume on, you not only deny yourself, but you (perhaps unknowingly) request that others do the same. When you act from wholeness not only do you invite people to the possibility of meeting their own shadows, but you also stop requesting that they take up a dark side to be with us.
Here are some tangible benefits of shadow work:
You will develop more self-acceptance
You will have fewer negative emotional reactions
You will have less guilt and shame
You will see people for who they are and not just what you project
Like all things that call for healing, the cure of the shadow is rooted in our presence and love.
Author James Hillman says,
“How far can our love extend to the broken and ruined parts of ourselves, the disgusting and perverse?” he writes. “How much charity and compassion do we have for our own weakness and sickness? How far can we build an inner society on the principle of love, allowing a place for everyone? ”
And as Carl Jung said: “Shadow Work is the path of the heart warrior”. Indeed, it takes courage to shine a light into the shadows, though the reward is immense. The amount of life force energy that can be made available to you is totally worth diving into the shadows.
Let’s continue the conversation. Pop a comment down below!
