Change, Meditation and Meaningful Lifestyle Shifts
I admit it—I’m a slider
Slider: someone who starts a life change strong and then slowly slides back into old, seemingly more convenient habits.
I hate that I’m a slider—it drives me crazy! There are a few things in my life that I have been able to completely transition into, meditation, of course, being one of them. This time the issue is food and diet. I decided to have an honest sit down with myself to figure out why I slide, use it as a guide and see what I could do about it if anything.
This is what I came up with:
I slide because I haven’t yet seen the true value in the thing I am trying to shift.
I slide because I haven’t set myself up to succeed.
I slide because the thing that I am trying to shift is too challenging to easily fit into my current routine. The effort is too great.
I slide because I haven’t given myself a strong enough foundation to keep it going.
These are the big ones. I am sure there are more, but I believe that if I can address these, I can conquer most of my sliding issues. I question why something that many people struggle with—meditation— is so easy for me when others find it so hard. It is the thing I’m most consistent with. However, this new endeavor, healthy eating (which I will talk more about shortly), has become a thorn in my side. I am going back to my list to see why.
I see firsthand the great value meditation has brought me. Not always in the moment (which is why most people give up, I think), but in the long term.
I often tell my clients that meditation is like saving money in the bank. When things get tough, you will realize that you have this beautiful reserve of understanding and wisdom you didn’t even know you had.
Setting myself up for success in meditation wasn’t always easy. It was about a lifestyle change, but when I realized that the life I was hanging on to was causing me more pain than joy, making the shift came easily. I had to let go of the drama and the addictive behavior. I had to discover that steadiness and calm were not boring, but what actually brought me true and long-lasting joy.
Change never comes easy. We always have to make sacrifices to create depth in our lives. Easy is typically surface, isn’t it? We have to do the hard and deep work that sometimes feels too hard and uncomfortable; while keeping the faith that can truly help us in the end.
We have to create a foundation. We have to do it long enough for it to last—no fits and starts. Learning how to commit and focus to build the foundation can’t be just a practice but it must become who we are at our core.
Looking at all that I have achieved and what I am capable of, really helped me make a very important change in my life and the health of my family. Being of Italian descent and the partner of a chef, food is tied up in emotions, habits, and perceived love —it’s complicated. Seeing the smile on my son’s face when I agreed for him to have a sundae was priceless. Watching the pain he was in later when he bounced around our small apartment, completely out of control, was awful.
Otto, like so many young boys these days, has been diagnosed with ADHD. More than a diagnosis, it’s a way of saying that he is struggling to focus. Is it genetic? Environmental? Dietary? Or, a combination thereof? The jury is still out. Me being me, I break it down to the things I can affect. Oddly enough, this news comes on the heels of my strong and invincible chef discovering he has some complex digestive issues. Though upsetting, that news actually helps a lot. The whole family is now on board with this change. Making a lifestyle shift like this is easier when the whole family is equally motivated.
After reading all I could on each of their conditions, I am in the trenches now. Diet is a large factor in balancing the expressions of ADHD and helping with a child’s ability to focus. Though Otto hasn’t ever had soda, chips, or donuts for breakfast, I am a slider so often frozen waffles, breakfast cereal, and a myriad of other things that are simply NOT NOURISHING appeared on our table. I falsely believed that if the brand is a “wholesome” one, it couldn’t be that bad.
I am not a nutritionist, so I will not be preaching to you about diet. What I am is an expert in behavior—especially mine—so that is how I approach this life change. As we focus on meditation this month, things will come up for you that will lead you to make changes to create the life you want. I’ve identified 4 key steps to help you make your transition with ease.
Identify the true value.
I’ve identified the true value—the results—from making the herculean effort to change our diets:
My son will have a more joyful life
He will have every advantage I can give him.
His father will feel good and be active
My home will feel harmonious. Having a child with ADHD can make the home feel chaotic, like a roller coaster ride with you being a mere passenger. Sometimes you can find the little joys in the ride, and other times, you scream, if only inside.
If we can see the actual value in something, we are drawn to it. This is true of anything, even negative things, isn’t it? Everything we do has value to us or we wouldn’t do it. If I smoke, for instance, it is because it gives me some immediate gratification. This is about looking beyond the immediate—the waffles helped me as a busy mom—but rather investing in real, long-term gains.
Set yourself up for success
I’ve set myself and my family up for success. By being thoughtful about the process before making any substantial changes or adjustments, I’ve created an environment to give us the best possible outcome. I am committed to feeding my 7-year-old without creating food trauma, in a way that works best for our family. This is an important point. We have to take the time and be honest about what works for us. My partner is an Italian chef and we love to eat—everything. I am not interested in extremes. We are fortunate to have a bounty of wonderful food in our beautiful city—we just need to make the right choices. I found this great blog, Love and Lemons, which is a real treasure trove for me. It has so many great recipes that fit the food composition of my family. It’s not about creating an environment for the imagined version of yourself, but for who you are now, true to your nature. I think this is an important little secret.
Make it easy/doable
Eating healthy is hard, and a lot of effort. Most, if not all, of the food that is available on the go, is pretty lousy. I’ve created a plan and put in the effort to eat healthy in a way that set me up for success. First, I cleaned out all of the food we were ready to let go of. Now, I’ve filled the kitchen with healthy and fun choices—if it isn’t there, I can’t slide. Food equals fun in our family and I don’t want healthy to mean joyless.
We each refined our personal definition of joy as it relates to food. We’ve evaluated whether our previous diets brought us joy or set us up for disaster. Interestingly, Otto understands this the most. He is aware of what foods make him feel “zippy” and helped me figure out what made him feel strong. Because he is involved in the process, understands that he has choices and that the choices he makes make him feel better, he’s on board. He wants to feel better and now that he knows his options, he can. We’ve created lots of options. It’s easier now that we’ve all discovered what we like and how it helps- a new routine has been created.
I should mention that I’ve failed a few times, pretty badly. But, I refuse to give up. I’m old enough now to not let my ego get in the way. I understand that failure is the most important component of success. I am learning something new so I need to keep trying if I want to make it stick. This is too important to not make it stick.Establish foundations and routines
Foundation AND routine are vital. We are a few weeks in and the benefits are amazing. A few weeks ago, my son would walk down the street as if he were in a Parkour competition, bouncing off sidewalks, cars, and people (yikes). I really thought that was normal. This week as we walked home from school, he held my hand and we looked at street art. He was calmer and could focus enough to actually experience the world around him.
This is straight out of the meditation bank. I know from years of experience that if you want to make a change you need to make it a part of your life. In many ways, our life is a series of routines. Change is either adding one or swapping one out for another. It’s not about giving anything up as much as it is about creating things that actually work and practicing them until they are now who you are and the other thing simply dissolves.
I am still a slider, but there are a few behaviors in this life that I am committed to adjusting.
These are the changes I will make and stick to. I love how at 57, my life gets bigger and more aligned with my truth. I believe meditation is the foundation for that. I feel so fortunate to somehow have had the wisdom to make that stick. Honestly, it is because of my practice that I have such insight, to begin with. It’s the way I’ve come to know and accept myself.
I believe that this simple checklist can work for anyone. I like to make things easy—simple is the way for me. Change doesn’t come all at once. If you focus on one thing, you can make a difference. this type of focus is the cornerstone of meditation. If we allow ourselves to become overwhelmed by an issue that feels bigger than we are, we are stuck. But, if we see it as a series of choices that need some action steps, anything is possible. Meditation asks us to be committed to who we are. Beautifully, the practice itself has us tap into and grow our ability to commit. That’s what success on any level is all about—our approach and commitment to the goal.
Beginning a Meditation Practice
Many of us start out feeling that meditation is hard, too hard. That's because it can be hard to know where to begin. We think we are meant to stop our thoughts. Then we get caught up in an argument with each and every thought until finally we just give up. What we are focusing on in our morning meditation is not a fruitless effort to stop thinking, but a deeper understanding of who we are as people.
Of course, this doesn't happen overnight. To help those who want to keep working––or start working on this practice and experience the sense of peace and purpose which stems from it--I am launching a FREE meditation challenge. It is a perfect place to begin your practice and start developing routines that support the life you truly want to live. I hope you will join us! No prior meditation experience necessary. Just your curiosity and open heart.
Dates: January 9—22
Registration: Free | Register now!
Time: Tuesdays, Wednesdays 8:00 am and Saturday 9:00 am| Live Meditations on Zoom. There is also a lecture and group discussion on Saturday that you are welcome to join. It is called Satsang. All other days of the challenge you will meditate independently with guided meditations.
Let’s continue the conversation. Pop a comment down below!
