guide

Love Note #9

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Have you sat down with all the things you are supposed to do and asked yourself why?

Try it. Make a list of all the things you believe you are supposed to do.

Now, try and figure out why you believe that to be true. Who said so?  And even if they said so, why do you need to listen?

Often, we live our lives by other peoples rules and usually never stop to ask what we want.  

Even when we feel we have broken the mold and are doing it “our way”, we typically have picked up the rules of our peer group, our chosen community, instead.  

Here are a few of my "supposed to's":

  • I’m supposed to be spiritual, which means I’m always supposed to be kind and reasonable.
  • I’m supposed to do the right thing, even if that things is wrong for me.
  • I’m supposed to love every minute with my son even if he is a huge pain in the butt. 
  • I’m supposed to do all the right and holistic things for my son because 'I practice yoga' so I feel shame if he watches TV, eats ice cream or spits out his green beans.

Okay, now, here are my choices. Here is what I what I want to do:

  • I want to respond with how I feel even it’s not kind or reasonable.  I want it to be real, have passion and yes, even anger, if I feel it.
  • I want to put myself first and hope everyone else does the same. 
  • I want to love my son deeply and be fully okay with wanting to kill him at times. 
  • I want my son to be happy and have a life of balance.  

Maybe its time for you to make a list and then make a choice. Where is what you are doing contrary to what you want or personally believe? Are you living your life by your own design?

P.S. We both love ice cream, hate green beans and laugh uncontrollably when we do tree pose.

Love, Paula

 

Love Note #8

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Life can be incredibly hard –– and feel unfair and down right wrong sometimes.
There, I said it! And I believe it to be true.
It is also so that it has breathtaking moments of beauty and is filled with overwhelming love and kindness. 
Sometimes both the dark and light exist in a moment. 
I also believe that my life experience is a choice. 
What helps me make that choice?  Meditation. It shows me the beauty in the storm.

With Love, Paula

Love Note #7

I love myself but I don't always like myself.

I'm often asked in my work if I love myself and I say 'yes, of course I do', but that doesn't mean I always like myself. There is a difference.

There are places in my life I'd like to grow and times I can certainly do better.  I like myself more when I am inline with who I believe and want myself to be... a little less when i'm not. 

I love myself for trying. I love myself for caring. I love myself because I get how hard it is to be human and I am proud I have made it this far.

With Love, Paula

Love Note #6

 

I’m a fan of making lists. I like how they make things clear and simple. Here are 4 that can change your life, but you'll need to do all four in order. They work together and build on each other. 

List 1: Your Dreams

Write 3 things you would love to do.

Ideas:
Lose ten pounds.
Become a Rock and Roll singer.
Open a business.
Travel to the moon.

Big or small, if you really want to do it, list it. Don't hold back. Its only a list.. right?

List 2: Changes

Now pick one thing from the first list you really want to see happen, even and especially if it seems scary.

Make a second list of 3 things that you would need to change or do if you were going to make this happen. 

Ideas:
I would need to hang around with people who support me.
I would need to believe I'm good enough.
I would need to talk to my accountant.
I would need to find and talk to Richard Branson.

List 3: Excuses

Now make a list of three things you know about yourself that stop you from living your dream and keep you living small.

Ideas:
You were told you weren’t good enough.
You don’t believe you have time and/or money to do it.
You're too young/old/dumb/under or over qualified.

List 4:  Network for living big

Now the big one-- Make a list of  “favorites” on your phone who you trust and who believe in you. Contact them every time you try to go back to living small. Don't hide in your limiting thoughts. Tell them why you're afraid and listen closely to what they say back. 

Let me know how it goes. I believe in you...

With Love, Paula

Love Note #5

Love Note #5:

"Where the focus goes the energy flows".

My amazing coach shared this with me and I use it as a sort of barometer for how I'm engaging with the world.  

Where are we putting our focus? If we are energy, what kind of energy are we sharing and absorbing? Remember this can work as well with negative and positive energy.Are we spending our time and energy with inspiring people and things that expand our mind? 

For just one day let's set a focus to engage in only what is positive. Zero tolerance for negativity from yourself or others.

Write and let me know how it goes.

With love, Paula

Love Note #4

American Gods.

This is my new favorite TV series for many reasons.  I love all media that wakes up my brain and offers a way to think differently about something I might have started sleeping through.

I always believed I appreciated my life –– more specifically the "essence" of being alive.  The most recent episode gave me a sense that perhaps this wasn’t true. I had a palpable experience of what it might feel like if I was looking back and I could see all I had missed. I had a flash of what I had taken for granted and allowed to fall into the realm of ordinary. That even something simple like my coffee in the morning would be missed if I could never do it again –– ever.

I felt my life as an old friend I had taken for granted without considering it wouldn't always be there. It's true, I had been forgetting to say the important things and neglected to have gratitude for the precious –– and familiar moments. 

In a very new way I started to appreciate even the things that had a tendency to rile me. What if I could never feel the rain or take a taxi or wait on a line. I considered my dear friend whose life is ending now and thought, just a simpe walk would have such meaning to her. I thought of all the things I would yearn to feel or do one more time if I were her.

I feel re-awoken in my life and for today I'm reminded that life is not a given but an offering, and supremely amazing. 

With love, Paula

Love Note #3

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Empathy isn’t easy–– but important things seldom are.

Showing up with empathy is difficult. We are taught to compete, not understand. We are shown how to keep going without regard for how we or others might be feeling. 

Can you count how many times you have heard "Don't cry." instead of "Why are you sad?" even by the well meaning?

Its true, empathy isn't instinctual, but learning how is what makes us conscious and evolving humans, instead of one of the characters in Darwin's natural selection.

When a person comes to you with a problem do you meet them in judgment or do you offer them an open mind and heart. Do you listen instead of advise? 

Showing up with empathy is difficult, it takes your effort, your time, your care.

But it's precisely what will lead you to your own loving heart.
 

With love, Paula

Love Note #2

Why do the hard work?

Why do the hard work? The work that takes more time, more effort, more intimacy and typically feels uncomfortable. 
Why do the hard work of confronting something when you could take the easy road and avoid it? 
Why do the hard work that leads to longer and deeper relationships when you can just split? 
Why think about the long term when you can get what you “need” right now?
Why do it "right" when you can just get it "done"!? 
Why have integrity, show up, be vulnerable?
Why do what you believe in rather than what's popular?
Why care? Why listen? Why lend a hand?
Why think about another person when you have your own problems? 
Why do we do it?  
We do it for our ourselves. 
 

With love, Paula

The Next Chapter

I’m so excited to be launching this blog with a team of wonderful people helping me. Its has been an step into reclaiming my identity as a teacher and healer.

I have worked hard to be a supportive pillar for Reflections to firmly root and then grow.  I’m proud to say in its 7th year it is doing well and serving many. 

Though it is my supportive base, I’m at the next chapter of my journey. The first part of what comes next has been a beautiful path to motherhood. This has been where so many of my important life lessons have culminated. Of all the things I have done in my life, this has expanded and made me question the most.

 I have closely watched all the turns on my path. From a very early on I knew that my life, lived in a raw way, as the conscious observer, would be my teacher and ultimately what I would have to share. I have had many important teachers on the path to guide and mold my "seeing" Bonnie Bainbridge, Stephen Gilligan, as well as Eido Shimano Roshi
in all his infamy and yes love. 

I am sure they each said many profound things, but what I heard was: Love. I think I have been able to sit closely with this very important concept and its many layers. I say 'think', because what I do know is the veils keep shedding and I will be learning and understanding for life times. In this second phase of my life I hope  I have some truthful and honest stuff to share.

What I feel confident about is that finding a relationship to love is the way. It is what all the disconnects we feel are seeking –– how to love and be love. Its true between you and your parents, your beloved and even your boss. All relationships boil down to it and stem from it. 

My work now is about setting it free. Yes, its in there. As I settle more deeply into my counseling practice, what I hope to offer is sacred and safe space  for people to find it for themselves. Whether it be in generative trace or a hypnotic yoga class this relationship can be experienced.