Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places

Yes it’s February – the month to ponder love – why does it always seem it’s the one topic we are never content with? We don’t have enough, we don’t like the love we get, we’re chasing it – it’s chasing us. You get it, and then it’s… not all that! Whatever the case, it never seems right.

I’ve been teaching a 200-hour training for the past month. As many of you know, love is the thing I like to talk the most about during my classes. But when I get a group for a full month, it becomes an investigation! I believe in my heart that if we can ever get this love thing straight, the rest is easy.

I thought I’d share a little of what we discovered this month.

Like a simple equation, we found that the amount of love we can feel = the amount of true compassion we are able to feel for anyone. But there is a hitch. The first person on that compassion list has to be us. Let me elaborate.

Mostly my mind judges: “I don’t like him because he is too needy. She drives me crazy because she is too closed off”. On the days when I can go a little deeper and step away from my judging mind and step into my heart I can see the needy part of me is what I really don’t like; that part that is a bit scared and vulnerable, that part of me that wants to be loved. When I can see my own reflection in my needy friend and see he needs the same love I do, in that moment the judgment falls away and all I’m left with is love for us both.

But what of my closed off girlfriend; could it be that all she wants is love, but like myself she is too afraid to ask so she hardens her heart. When I see it in this light I have a tear and want to hug her and myself and tell us both to trust that I love you and that we are in fact lovable and that anyone would love us if we could simply open our hearts to that possibility.

When we take the judgment out of the love, what we are left with is the true and exposed experience of being human – we can see all the defenses, the hiding, the pretending and the grasping as the cry of our inner child not knowing how to ask for what it needs. When you can see it all in this way, who don’t you feel love for?